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gravity

Journal 39

I saw an interesting facebook posting yesterday. I didn’t realize it gave me quiet a hit. I saw.. a picture that somehow brought my memory back to almost 2 years ago.

2 years ago… I was expecting a certain person to call and asked me to spend time with him. But… that expectation never came. While waiting for my mother, I decided to have coffee that near my mother hang out place which happened to be near his as well. I didn’t expect to see him spending time with another person.. the only thing that I regret from that moment was why did I stay. I was expecting too much.. indeed my own mistake. When he said I was very close very personal, I knew that I have to go. But I did not. I decided to stay.

A lot of weird, bad, pleasure, amazing moment happened and somehow I am falling more and more in love with him. I would never be good enough for him, somehow realized that. But I just want to spend some time with him. That’s it. A lie if expectation did not occur. But… I know my place. Somehow he got other ideas about what I should do and become based on his observation and judgement. I asked him one question, and he came up with whole ideas about my life.

His observation was right. I can be everything he said and maybe haven’t lived my life to the fullest. He was also right when he said that I like to hold on to a rage. He told me once, a person that I didn’t know judge me that way. I do have several defenses, but I’d rather not say. In my simple mind without have to complicate things, all I want was to be with and spend time with him. Because I miss him.

He gave me speech that I already knew for a simple question and statement. To be honest, I know that what he said was almost correct, but still not correct. I lost my self for quiet sometime, doubting my self. I choose to not let my self in doubt. Because that is not who I am. Then came the picture.. somehow, everything answered. I was… right. I wish.. that he would just.. say it. So I don’t have to be in this stage.. apparently I have to be. Another reminder again at least.

Falling for a person is never an easy thing for me. I only fall for 2 for all my life. But when I do.. it’s just all out. I may never fall again.. or may fall again. Despite that I wish someone who want to spend sometime with me, someone who accept me for just the way I am (with all the flaws), someone who believes that I am good enough to be with, to have a relation ship with.. okay.. that was waaaay too cheesy. :). But then again I am a hope believer.

For him.. I wish him happiness.. no one will hurt him as he hurt me. It gives me a certain joy and pain to see him happy like I saw it from the picture.

~xoxo~

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One thought on “gravity

  1. And you will fall again.. for someone who make you realised, why you meet the wrong person.. because the right one is out there looking and waiting to found you

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