I saw an interesting facebook posting yesterday. I didn’t realize it gave me quiet a hit. I saw.. a picture that somehow brought my memory back to almost 2 years ago.
2 years ago… I was expecting a certain person to call and asked me to spend time with him. But… that expectation never came. While waiting for my mother, I decided to have coffee that near my mother hang out place which happened to be near his as well. I didn’t expect to see him spending time with another person.. the only thing that I regret from that moment was why did I stay. I was expecting too much.. indeed my own mistake. When he said I was very close very personal, I knew that I have to go. But I did not. I decided to stay.
A lot of weird, bad, pleasure, amazing moment happened and somehow I am falling more and more in love with him. I would never be good enough for him, somehow realized that. But I just want to spend some time with him. That’s it. A lie if expectation did not occur. But… I know my place. Somehow he got other ideas about what I should do and become based on his observation and judgement. I asked him one question, and he came up with whole ideas about my life.
His observation was right. I can be everything he said and maybe haven’t lived my life to the fullest. He was also right when he said that I like to hold on to a rage. He told me once, a person that I didn’t know judge me that way. I do have several defenses, but I’d rather not say. In my simple mind without have to complicate things, all I want was to be with and spend time with him. Because I miss him.
He gave me speech that I already knew for a simple question and statement. To be honest, I know that what he said was almost correct, but still not correct. I lost my self for quiet sometime, doubting my self. I choose to not let my self in doubt. Because that is not who I am. Then came the picture.. somehow, everything answered. I was… right. I wish.. that he would just.. say it. So I don’t have to be in this stage.. apparently I have to be. Another reminder again at least.
Falling for a person is never an easy thing for me. I only fall for 2 for all my life. But when I do.. it’s just all out. I may never fall again.. or may fall again. Despite that I wish someone who want to spend sometime with me, someone who accept me for just the way I am (with all the flaws), someone who believes that I am good enough to be with, to have a relation ship with.. okay.. that was waaaay too cheesy. :). But then again I am a hope believer.
For him.. I wish him happiness.. no one will hurt him as he hurt me. It gives me a certain joy and pain to see him happy like I saw it from the picture.