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a thing or two called passion.. in my version

Journal 36

I would rather die in passion than of boredom, according to Van Gogh. Lately several post from friends in social media were also saying things about ‘choose a job you love, then you’ll never have to work a day in your life’.

I’m writing since elementary school. From a simple poem to a very short story, and even small notes to people (including my parents). It becomes a comforting habit. It becomes a passion. It becomes my own self. My parents (I don’t think they still have it now) had full collection of mini pictorial story book from us as birthday present for a decade. I grew up knowing and loving to write. To write my own book or novel or anything that relates to those was and still be my goal. But writing is not the life I am living right now unfortunately.

I was trying to squeeze-in my lunch time among series of meeting. While having coffee, email reading, and reporting, I was wondering why am I doing this? I’ve never imagined would do this, as in staying in an office and doing sales and marketing as a living. As something that would pay my bills and take me to every corner part of this world. Writing supposed to take me there and pay for everything. If the article and books were right, so… am I not doing my passion? Or I fell out of love with writing and fall for sales and marketing instead?

I got home at night and found myself reading my old note books. From cheesy poem, a decade ago diary, short story, even pantun (Indonesia’s version of short poem with rhyme). There was one sentence ( I think it was from 8 years ago..) said O writing, why don’t you make friend with reality in the book. That sentence became a reminder of the reason why I did not take writer path.

I have never stopped writing (until, of course….recently), because it’s comforting. My own doze of tranquilizer. A friend in Uni convinced me to have my own blog. He managed all of the view and setting, basically made it easy me to write. He also encouraged me to write my own book, which I kind of refused kind of not. Too bad, I got to comfortable with a new world called sales marketing and he got married. We didn’t really communicate lately (hmm… I should call him again). Blog templates and how to were the only thing he left.

I’ve been changing industry for 5 times and almost a decade. Every industry has showered me with different experiences and growing my own affection in things that I am doing to make a living right now. Of course, I did not realize it until recently. Funny how you need to be reminded by others about yourself and finally a time was made to think.

I still don’t understand what passion is all about and how it relates to your daily activities and living. But I do know that loving what you do is also called passion, although the love grows along the way. I wake up every morning with thoughts about list of tasks and never felt like it’s a must thing to do because I am working or part of the job. Because I like doing it… I always get excited whenever new day starts. Silly huh?? But that’s the fact (and am still confuse until now), I wake up every morning by planning things, who am I suppose to call, how is one issue can be solved, etc. Raising question about things that unknown, although for most people it is a silly ones, I’d do it. The challenge, the meeting people, the planning, and most of all the travelling. Working with different people and different industry gave me different challenges. I made my stories, sometimes or most of times, from theirs. I loose balance sometimes, but somehow… always manage to get it back again. Something new build up or growing stronger inside me. Even though sometimes I fell at the same place.. hahahaaa.

Although, in this industry, I am not a geologist or IT person or mine engineer or metallurgist or any other back ground of education, somehow I know how to enjoy those type of education in technical engineering. I haven’t been able to see things from their perspective yet, but listening to their stories, especially from female perspective, is valuable.

I still don’t know whether it is a passion or just something that I love to do. All I know, I am enjoying it as much as writing in a paper. It has grown so much, since I first started. To several people that knows me, they would say it is just a part of being yourself in a wider content. Maybe that’s true, maybe not. But one thing that I can say about passion is that when you know you’re enjoying it, then maybe it is.

Rgds,

Wawa

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