When you passed away, I wasn’t ready. Though the we already have a feeling that somehow you would be taken away from us pretty soon. That time, I thought that I was ready. Do you still remember when we had the conversation about the gene that runs through in every female in this family? You said that right after dad left, when I hold on into nothing. The gene that you called a ‘strength’ gene. I didn’t know what you were talking about until we had the same conversation with different context but still about the same subject. The ‘strength’ gene. I was 26.
I remembered you said that you were proud of me for being so strong getting through everything and able to become a pillar for my sisters. But you were also concern because you thought I was taking it too far. ‘Don’t make people afraid of you, because you’ve showed them that you’re strong already without having had to prove it.’ you said. It balanced my conception about everything. I, somehow, able to see the line between our family gene, religion and tradition. That the strength won’t be a strength without our own origin. In the end, you made me promise that I’d be settling down before Allah taken you from us. But the reality is I broke that promise and I’m very sorry… hope you’d forgive me Auntie. It’s not that I don’t want to.. either one can’t keep up with me though I am phasing down or when I’m lowering my phase one couldn’t see it and telling me that I’m no worthy in being with one. So.. please extend my time? :).
Thank you auntie.. for believed in me in every mistakes and bad choices that I made. Thank you for always reminding me how being humble and origin are the essence of our gene.
PS: say hi to granny from me. From all of us. How we miss her so much. Please tell her that I didn’t mean to break my promise to her and please extend my time? I know she always watches us, but please tell her that we are fine. :).